The Pace Of It All
It’s taken me some time to figure it out, but something that’s important to me, is living life at the pace that I choose and not the pace that’s dictated to me by others. It seems strange to me, now that I’ve realised this, that it’s taken me so long to figure it out, and once again I’m left wondering….”Am I the only person that didn’t know how important this was?”
I’ve noticed that there are many different elements in my life that I allow to set the pace of my life. Be it the people I welcome into my life, the community I’m living in, the governments “controlling” the world around me (an beyond), the artistic collaborators I invite, business associates and those I work with, corporations I interact with either by dealing with them in my music business or whom I spend my money with….whatever. Pace is becoming a “thing” my mind seems to be chewing on at the moment. Mostly because I’ve noticed overwhelm, panic, confusion and a lack of centring have been rather present in my relationship with many of these previously mentioned elements of late, and I am working on being the decider of the pace of my life!
I don’t subscribe to the idea of “time” as an absolute measurement in my minds reality. My brain finds it hard to understand the actuality of time. “Pace” however seems a more palatable version of the idea of time. How slowly or how quickly our lives move is relational to how we perceive it to move. This flow is in my opinion, not something that can be measure in numbers. I understand times place in our society and it’s relevance to many things but, as a being, I am intrigued by the idea “What would have come of our race if humans had invented something other than numbers and time?”. But I digress…Pace!
We influence each, our environment influences us, we are sponges to everything that goes on around us…whether consciously aware of it or not. I have found that in my life, the way people interact with me is a determining factor of the pace my life takes. Well that is until now. Once someones behaviour becomes confusing, erratic, illogical, and passive aggressive (this seem to happen frequently around me), I become all consumed by trying to understand the reasons why. I have observed that this speeds up the perceived pace of my life. An insight into that experience in my mind goes like this:
“Are you fucking kidding me…not again!!! What is it about me that causes people to be like this around me. I thought this person was so cool. We’d agreed that [XYZ] was how things would go and that we’d try doing things [ABC] way. I’m sure we agreed on it together and I’m sure it was clear. [My mind then replays the scenario 1600 times over the way it remembers it, which I know is an illusion and the perception of the situation I've created. Then I go check my notes or journal to see if the facts correlate] What did I do to make them turn on me and become all weird and aggressive (passive or otherwise)? How and why do I keep attracting this bullshit into my life? Is this a reflection of who I am? Does this mean that this is what I’m seeing about myself? What if I’m this kind of person and I’ve never seen it. Fuck, what if that person is right and I’m “X” or “Y”….blah blah blah” [The intense personal analysis and investigation then commences as to whether there is objective evidence to suggest that I am "X" or "Y" and people I trust are then surveyed as to the possible existance of "X" or "Y"-ness in my character] Exhaustion much!!!
As you can see, the mentalness of this mix-tape is intense and labour intensive for all aspects of me. Only today, after the barrage of recent mentalness, have I managed to start seeing growth beyond this and start to gain understanding of the pace of my life. Today I answered that mixtape with rationality and growth…
“Yes this has happened again and will continue to happen until you realise that you are not the cause of anyones reaction to you. They are reacting to themselves not to you. You are an illusion to them and them to you. You think that people are trying to antagonise you? This too is an illusion, they are antagonising themselves and your ego causes you to hold onto what’s happening. Surrender to whatever it is you think you do to people and let go of the illusion. If you feel anxiety and distress around someone, cut the bullshit and get away from that situation. Use your ego to guide you to slow down the pace of your life by either removing yourself from the environment or shifting your perceptions of your role. However hard or easy you think that may be, make it happen. How people react to you is not who you are. The reason this is hard, is because you choose for it to be and you’re attached to the drama of it. All of which is another illusion that you seem to have formed an addiction to from childhood. This discovery is fantastic because you are seeing the illusion for it’s truth and can now move beyond it. It’s now time to grow, let go of that lower vibration, and realise that you are allowed to feel nurtured, safe, and valid in the person that you are no matter what other people think of you. Allow yourself to experience yourself in relation to other people, but not be consumed or defined by them and their reactions to you. Reactions to you are a double illusion as your perception is built off of the perception of someone else. Their opinions of you are a reflection of how they see themselves. That Miss Lee is an illusion you are taking on board to your detriment. It speeds up the pace of your life by creating anxiety, anger and confusion. If someone has changed the rules and you’re not happy, decide whether or not your still down with that situation if yes, shift your perception. If no…move on! Whatever you decide, this is the beginning of end of the eternal mind fuck! We have far to many cool things to occupy our thoughts with than this drama”!
I used the analogy between life and rowing across an ocean to help a dear friend with a similar mix-tape mentalness today (proof that life reflects only what you are experiencing). He asked me what he might do to get some perspective on things in his life and I told him (which is me telling me)…
“get out of the ocean and back in your boat and start rowing again. Stay focused on you and the boat that’s carrying you for a moment to get re-centred. When you’re ready the ocean will send a new challenge to show you the fears you are ready to deal with, but not before it sends you the sun to warm you!”
I trust the boat I’ve chosen and the ocean…now I’m learning to trust me and realise that separation is an illusion!
Peace Love and Peanut Butter
Miss Lee xxx